To know and want REAL Love!

This last week of working with singles has been a powerful reflection on what being “in love” really does for the soul. Talking with a great number of clients I heard the desire “for love” for based on if they had known love before or just the idea of love. The difference between wanting love if you’ve never known love and seeking love again because you remember the pure feeling it brings your spirit generates a uniquely different perspective.

Regardless of the number of relationships you have had that is not any measure if you have been in true love before. I meet with singles that have experience all types of backgrounds in dating and relationships as they continue their greatest quest is to find their true love. Some clients have had multiple marriages to never know love, while others have never married but have given their heart away to someone very special.

As a matchmaker I believe there is more than one person out there to fall in love with and adore the rest of your life. Even if you have never known deep love you deserve to find that special someone. During in-depth consultations many of my clients come to the realization that the longing they have deep inside seems to be the elusive mystery that others can see but they have yet to fully discover themselves. Knowing what love adds to a relationship will help you to understand if you’ve ever been in love and if you are open to loving another.

An important part that I find different between those seeking love and those seeking to have a relationship complete them is in how they talk about their future partner. Those truly wanting their “last first date” are looking for a companionship through all that life has to offer. They want to look forward to getting up and enjoying the day together. Having someone to make important life decisions with and share in the good, the bad and the frustrating parts of being ourselves and a couple. Seeking a partner to feel you have their back and they have yours is something I hear more and more. In this great big world people want to know there is one person that they can count on with their weakest moments and their greatest rewards.

Often people get caught up in the physical part of the journey well before they give the emotional part a chance to bloom.

Oprah recently was quoted in a recent interview saying she didn’t know she was in love with Steadman until a family member sold her out to the press and Steadman told her she didn’t deserve it and he’d be there for her through the delicate heart breaking moments. That is when she knew she loved him deeply.

When my clients tell me of relationships they envy it has nothing to do with how attractive or successful their friend’s partner is. It has to do with the mutual love and respect they have toward one another in public. Being around these types of couples only shows you that you they must have a beautiful respectful private relationship because clearly they have nothing to prove when they have each other.

• What do you see in other couples you admire?
• Is it how they hold hands in public?
• Do they tell each other they love one another when others are around?
• Do they have different hobbies? Or do everything together?
• Do they seem happier together?
• Is there an obvious sense of trust?
• When they are apart do they talk about their partner in a way that shows respect and appreciation?
• Has one sacrificed a dream or goal for the other’s need for something that had to take priority?
• When you see strangers and wish you could be in love like them, what caught your attention to notice their joy?

Take time to really think about the love you see in people you admire. I’m betting it’s not just because they look good in pictures together. They grew in love over life and experiences. Let yourself know the kind of love that makes your vulnerable to trust another person. Learn from someone new. They might tell you about new hobbies and activities that enrich your life and just maybe become the surprise of being together as a couple as they build memories. Let the opportunity to discover one another long enough to feel safe and ready to love and give love. You might just surprise yourself and find one day friends will tell you how much they admire your relationship. 

Jacqueline ~ The Matchmaker 

www.intuitivematchmaking.com

The dance of vulnerability!

Opening one’s heart to the idea of finding love often creates a swirl of emotions to be involved that might overwhelm and often put us on the sidelines. Take the time to think before you walk out on the “dance floor” of dating. This is the moment to gain clarity on what you want in a relationship and what you have to offer, before you step on the floor only to be nervous and you retreat back to your seat.

As a professional matchmaker, I see so often how my clients will get really excited for a first date and then the moment there might not be a match or they decide to find a conflict, I notice my client retreating back to the safety of their home. Many times my job is to hold on to them so they don’t slip away in their world of doubt and wonder. It is a very vulnerable place to put yourself out to be exposed. It’s another thing when you put your individual self out to be viewed and possibly judged by another person.

Worrying that you might like her and she doesn’t feel the mutual attraction or interest toward you can make you end a date too early. Asking yourself the question if he wants to see you again can make you pull back from showing your own interest because you don’t want to be the first person rejected. Often I’ll hear from clients about a recent date and they leave wondering if they will see their date again. While they wait a million emotions run through their mind. It’s a scary place to put our greatest assets out for review by strangers. As individuals we are the greatest gift we can give another person. Nothing material will ever be better than the true heart of another loving life partnership.

While going through the dance of vulnerability ask yourself these questions to keep you focused or to find out if you need more time before you are ready to date:

• ·         Are you confident in yourself? Not arrogant but carry yourself with pride.

• ·         Do you know you have flaws? Knowing you aren’t perfect gives another person a chance with room for their flaws too.

• ·         When you think of your future relationship, do you think of their looks or their heart? Are you caught up in an image of a person or how a relationship is going to make you feel?

• ·         Have you developed a support team? Do you have friends that will take care of your kids for your time to date? Do you have some flex work and social schedule to make time to meet someone new?

• ·         Are you taking care of your health? The dating world is competitive and when given a choice physically active singles tend to be drawn to other singles that put their health at a priority. People often don’t want to sign up for an unhealthy relationship even on the physical level because when they fall in love they want you to stick around. Show yourself that you are worth the effort and take care of your health. It’s very attractive too!

• ·         Do you have enough positive examples around you? Keep a box of positive notes, cards and e-mails so when you doubt yourself, you can be reminded that you are a great catch and keep focused! Just know the right person hasn’t met you yet.

• ·         Are you open for suggestions? Learn ways to be an enhanced version of yourself. Ask friends for wardrobe and conversation ideas and take their advice! They can see you at the perspective of someone new.

• ·         Can you be patient? The right person isn’t going to be in a hurry. They too have to process their new emotions and you might need to keep the door open without expecting anything in return, for a little bit.

The journey to find love will come faster when you don’t give up and sit on the sidelines of your own life. Get your “dancing” shoes on and have fun. The more you laugh, smile and feel optimistic the more attracted others will be to you! Hold your shoulders back, put your head up, and make eye contact with a smile! Have fun and flirt throughout your day. You just might find someone that catches your attention and asks you for the “next dance”!

Be ready to say YES!

Jacqueline Nichols

Professional Matchmaker

Intuitive Matchmaking Agency

Do you date as an “individual” or potential “couple”?

Reviewing your dating style can increase the chances of moving from being a serial dater, to actually enjoying the reason you date… to become part of a couple someday!

As a matchmaker, I receive direct feedback from both people I match on my quest to find my clients their perfect life partner. What I often find is how regularly people put their own needs well before their dates, as if to make a stand early on that they will not be rocked from their independent lifestyle, yet they keep saying that being a couple is their ultimate goal. When people wonder why they go on date after date and still don’t find a match I begin to see something they have been missing all along; the ability to think of the other persons needs first, without worrying about losing their individual self.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when reflecting on your dating:

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When you are asked on a date and there is a possible conflict with something that is flexible to your schedule are you willing to juggle a little or wait for the next mutual opening?

Do you listen to find out about their work or family schedule to get an idea of when they might be available or just ask when your schedule has time?

Talking with your date do you ask questions on how they can fit into your life or how you two could gain a new way to enjoy life together?

If your date lives long distance do you let that stop you because you think of the possible effort to date on-going, if you end up liking them?

Do you decide in advance that you will go where ever love takes you or that there is no way you’ll sacrifice changing career location, closeness to your family and friends for a relationship?

What if your date worked the night shift and you worked regular business hours? Would you get creative with making time for each other or decide it’s too much work before you get started?

Do you focus more on how you like to be treated on your dates or more time watching for smiles from your date to know you are doing something they truly appreciate?

As a gentleman do you walk your date to her car and make sure she gets on her way safely or part ways when saying good-bye? As a lady do you let your date open the door and be a gentleman or do you want to always make sure everything appears equal?

Do you remember what your date shared about life, family and work or are you thinking you won’t need to remember these details?

As the conversation flows during a date do you find yourself thinking what wonderful stories they are sharing and how you’d like to make new memories together or are you focused more on sharing your own information?

Dating can be a vulnerable place to expose yourself and this is why many singles find they put up protective walls to stop from feeling the true gift of becoming a couple. I often hear from clients the limits they put on the distance a potential match can live, what kind of work schedule, what color hair, how tall and even how much they make. Many factors are decided well before a client stops and takes the time to meet a wonderful person that could become their potential other half. Often logistics aren’t the downfall of a potential partner as much as a sense of mutual connection, emotional safety and healthy attraction.

Yes, after many dates and failed relationships it is very easy to begin defining and controlling our willingness to be flexible because we have been hurt before. We need to ask ourselves if the sacrifices we made are why we got hurt or the fact that we simply were not with the right person to become the couple we crave to enjoy. Taking time to openly allow yourself to meet each new person as a potential relationship to date long term allows you the freedom to talk in a way that invites them into your life. Making room and being open to all they have to offer shows that a little juggling of time and energy could give you the love that you seek.

Looking at your date with a soft smile as you begin to discover all they have to share is the greatest gift you can give the both of you. Meet them without all your rules and guidelines of what and who you will allow into your life. Each first date is the beginning of something wonderful or the end of something that never started. You get to choose. Listen and learn what is important to your date. Enjoy sharing what is important to you from your heart and less from your rule book. Be willing to make room for someone in your thoughts and in your actions by choosing to move yourself closer to never going on another first date again!

Becoming a couple means learning how someone new communicates, what is important to them, how they like to feel special and most of all it lets you feel the power of someone saying and showing to you that you are worth the effort also!  

Jacqueline The Matchmaker

www.intuitivematchmaking.com

Wish upon a star this New Year!

The moment you close your eyes, when you look up to see the first star at night, what do you wish for? If it is love then I want to congratulate you for being in the right place at the right time! The New Year is filled with resolutions and so how about you make this your year to resolve that love will be yours to celebrate?

Intuitive Matchmaking is here to give you hope and belief that dreams really do come true but first you have to know what you are dreaming for! Lots of people make wishes and they will come true if you are clear and own the results you are attracting. Too often people change their mind before the wish can even come true and then they wonder why their wishes haven’t happened yet! Stay focused and committed to your dreams and then the warmth and wonder can and will be yours.

It’s human nature to want love and even to share love but it’s also human nature to run and hide from it. This is a new year and a time for you to make your wants and needs heard in a way that invites the right single to seek you as a potentially special person in their life.

Assignment for the New Year:

 Looking for the right love for you? Focus on attracting authentic truth and trusting yourself to bring the ultimate gift.

With a HOT Pink Paper and a sparkly green pen re-write these words personalized to your goals. (Powerful color combination for the subconscious mind)

"I am now allowing, attaching and being with my (husband/wife) who loves, cherishes and adores me. Who is attentive with me and generous with me. Who allows me to love them in return.

On my behalf, I give the whole complete universe permission, to intervene and rain magic, boundless miracles and blessed surprises of their own designs into my reality now. I accept and embrace love in my heart and treasure the person brought to me to learn and grow with through all the moments life has to offer.

Thank you universe with much abundant love,
(your name)"

Read this affirmation out loud at minimum of every morning and every night. Continual reminder of what you ask to be brought into your life will help you attract exactly what you seek. There is someone for everyone. The question is are you willing to do whatever it takes to find them or sit back and just wait for them to show up on your doorstep? If you don’t want to fall for a door to door salesperson then you might just need to get out and claim the dreams you seek from the stars you wish upon each night.

Love is a gift and day after day many wonderful singles are missing out on sharing the joy of being together because they haven’t made their dreams a clear commitment to the life they seek.

Does love get to fill your heart this year?