Opening one’s heart to the idea of finding love often creates a swirl of emotions to be involved that might overwhelm and often put us on the sidelines. Take the time to think before you walk out on the “dance floor” of dating. This is the moment to gain clarity on what you want in a relationship and what you have to offer, before you step on the floor only to be nervous and you retreat back to your seat.
As a professional matchmaker, I see so often how my clients will get really excited for a first date and then the moment there might not be a match or they decide to find a conflict, I notice my client retreating back to the safety of their home. Many times my job is to hold on to them so they don’t slip away in their world of doubt and wonder. It is a very vulnerable place to put yourself out to be exposed. It’s another thing when you put your individual self out to be viewed and possibly judged by another person.
Worrying that you might like her and she doesn’t feel the mutual attraction or interest toward you can make you end a date too early. Asking yourself the question if he wants to see you again can make you pull back from showing your own interest because you don’t want to be the first person rejected. Often I’ll hear from clients about a recent date and they leave wondering if they will see their date again. While they wait a million emotions run through their mind. It’s a scary place to put our greatest assets out for review by strangers. As individuals we are the greatest gift we can give another person. Nothing material will ever be better than the true heart of another loving life partnership.
While going through the dance of vulnerability ask yourself these questions to keep you focused or to find out if you need more time before you are ready to date:
- · Are you confident in yourself? Not arrogant but carry yourself with pride.
- · Do you know you have flaws? Knowing you aren’t perfect gives another person a chance with room for their flaws too.
- · When you think of your future relationship, do you think of their looks or their heart? Are you caught up in an image of a person or how a relationship is going to make you feel?
- · Have you developed a support team? Do you have friends that will take care of your kids for your time to date? Do you have some flex work and social schedule to make time to meet someone new?
- · Are you taking care of your health? The dating world is competitive and when given a choice physically active singles tend to be drawn to other singles that put their health at a priority. People often don’t want to sign up for an unhealthy relationship even on the physical level because when they fall in love they want you to stick around. Show yourself that you are worth the effort and take care of your health. It’s very attractive too!
- · Do you have enough positive examples around you? Keep a box of positive notes, cards and e-mails so when you doubt yourself, you can be reminded that you are a great catch and keep focused! Just know the right person hasn’t met you yet.
- · Are you open for suggestions? Learn ways to be an enhanced version of yourself. Ask friends for wardrobe and conversation ideas and take their advice! They can see you at the perspective of someone new.
- · Can you be patient? The right person isn’t going to be in a hurry. They too have to process their new emotions and you might need to keep the door open without expecting anything in return, for a little bit.
The journey to find love will come faster when you don’t give up and sit on the sidelines of your own life. Get your “dancing” shoes on and have fun. The more you laugh, smile and feel optimistic the more attracted others will be to you! Hold your shoulders back, put your head up, and make eye contact with a smile! Have fun and flirt throughout your day. You just might find someone that catches your attention and asks you for the “next dance”!
Be ready to say YES!
Jacqueline Nichols
Professional Matchmaker
No comments:
Post a Comment