This last week of working with singles has been a powerful reflection on what being “in love” really does for the soul. Talking with a great number of clients I heard the desire “for love” for based on if they had known love before or just the idea of love. The difference between wanting love if you’ve never known love and seeking love again because you remember the pure feeling it brings your spirit generates a uniquely different perspective.
Regardless of the number of relationships you have had that is not any measure if you have been in true love before. I meet with singles that have experience all types of backgrounds in dating and relationships as they continue their greatest quest is to find their true love. Some clients have had multiple marriages to never know love, while others have never married but have given their heart away to someone very special.
As a matchmaker I believe there is more than one person out there to fall in love with and adore the rest of your life. Even if you have never known deep love you deserve to find that special someone. During in-depth consultations many of my clients come to the realization that the longing they have deep inside seems to be the elusive mystery that others can see but they have yet to fully discover themselves. Knowing what love adds to a relationship will help you to understand if you’ve ever been in love and if you are open to loving another.
An important part that I find different between those seeking love and those seeking to have a relationship complete them is in how they talk about their future partner. Those truly wanting their “last first date” are looking for a companionship through all that life has to offer. They want to look forward to getting up and enjoying the day together. Having someone to make important life decisions with and share in the good, the bad and the frustrating parts of being ourselves and a couple. Seeking a partner to feel you have their back and they have yours is something I hear more and more. In this great big world people want to know there is one person that they can count on with their weakest moments and their greatest rewards. Often people get caught up in the physical part of the journey well before they give the emotional part a chance to bloom.
Oprah recently was quoted in a recent interview saying she didn’t know she was in love with Steadman until a family member sold her out to the press and Steadman told her she didn’t deserve it and he’d be there for her through the delicate heart breaking moments. That is when she knew she loved him deeply.
When my clients tell me of relationships they envy it has nothing to do with how attractive or successful their friend’s partner is. It has to do with the mutual love and respect they have toward one another in public. Being around these types of couples only shows you that you they must have a beautiful respectful private relationship because clearly they have nothing to prove when they have each other.
- What do you see in other couples you admire?
- Is it how they hold hands in public?
- Do they tell each other they love one another when others are around?
- Do they have different hobbies? Or do everything together?
- Do they seem happier together?
- Is there an obvious sense of trust?
- When they are apart do they talk about their partner in a way that shows respect and appreciation?
- Has one sacrificed a dream or goal for the other’s need for something that had to take priority?
- When you see strangers and wish you could be in love like them, what caught your attention to notice their joy?
Take time to really think about the love you see in people you admire. I’m betting it’s not just because they look good in pictures together. They grew in love over life and experiences. Let yourself know the kind of love that makes your vulnerable to trust another person. Learn from someone new. They might tell you about new hobbies and activities that enrich your life and just maybe become the surprise of being together as a couple as they build memories. Let the opportunity to discover one another long enough to feel safe and ready to love and give love. You might just surprise yourself and find one day friends will tell you how much they admire your relationship. 
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