Save the Pretty –Save the Handsome

Everyone has something special and important to offer in various aspects of life. When it comes to being single and looking to find a relationship it’s important and valuable to truly know what you have to offer and how you will let yourself appreciate others.

Often people ask what I mean when I use my coined phrase of “Don’t waste the Pretty – Don’t waste the Handsome” and I am looking forward to expanding on this way of thinking to move people the fastest direction toward finding the best loving relationship ever. In all my matchmaking advice I honestly believe this to be at the top of the list of priorities in engaging yourself in the process. 

To start off here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do you feel your value is greater when given from an honest part of your heart?

• Do you treasure being intimate on an emotional level with people you have chosen to connect with?

• Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder where the years have gone?

• Can you think of days, weeks, months and possibly even years you gave to a lost love or a broken heart?

• Do you look back on past relationships and remember times when you found negative thoughts, words or feelings being expressed to the other person that later didn’t make you feel very good about yourself?

• Have you ever put a great deal of time and energy into a one sided relationship hoping the love you had was enough for the both of you?

There are many times in our lives that we can’t see past a current situation and at those moments the intense feelings can consume the process of fully living. This is a reality many people can relate to at some stage of loving another person. The important next step is to recognize when it’s time to move past a feeling, a thought or a relationship so you don’t give up what is special about your unique self to someone that will never value all you have to offer. 

Many people don’t realize how much they “gift” of their heart to someone that will not treasure it the way it deserves to be. As a professional matchmaker I like to supportively guide my clients to really be honest with their self about what is stopping them from finding the love they want and feel they deserve. Spending months pining over an old love that is never going to come back only steals years of your natural beauty by showing the result of frown lines and sadness on your face, not to mention the growing distance you will feel as you have a hard time remembering what it felt to be in love. Talking to a partner in a negative emotion doesn’t let your pretty shine because the person hearing your words only sees the hurt and pain you want to express.

 

At the same time people waste their pretty and their handsome by over sharing. I hear from singles professing the quantity of dates they have been on to prove there is no one out there for them. But really what they have actually done is shared a little piece of their soul with each person and that dilutes the quality they have to offer when the right person comes along. Saving a little bit of what makes you special will be of great value to the person that becomes your life partner. Knowing that not everyone in town knows your business keeps a feeling that something about you is still sacred and special only to your partner. 

It’s important to give yourself numerous chances to meet someone out in the dating world. Just take pause on how much you share about your private life. Everyone doesn’t need to know all about your kids, your community, your work, your ex or your dreams. Make getting to know you a privilege and when you find that special someone you give them your all! Saving a little bit of your heart, your thoughts and your wishes keeps your pretty and your handsome! 

Jacqueline Nichols

www.intuitivematchmaking.com

Professional Matchmaker

Chemistry, Conversation and Charisma

What it takes to have someone special everyday and not just Valentine’s Day! For some of you this holiday triggers a feeling of missing out on that special someone and others of you are having fun on the discovery of knowing each day is bringing you closer to finding love! As a member of Intuitive Matchmaking you have significantly increased your odds of finding someone special because now you are in a pool of people of your caliber and they are looking for real love!

Now the trick is to understand why you are single and truthfully decide if you are willing to make the changes to embrace the possibilities of letting love in. With the right balance of Chemistry, Conversation and Charisma anything is possible. The world of dating is competitive and you need to have you’re A game on. Thankfully my agency attracts high quality people but that’s not all it takes. You need to shine above everyone else. Be the person that others can’t wait to see again!

To truly shine above others here are the things that my clients say about other clients that they really like:

·         She made me laugh and kept the conversation going by being fun to talk with.

·         She was beautiful and took time to put herself together for our date. It made me feel important and very lucky to share time with her.

·         He was a gentleman and treated me beautifully our entire date. It felt great to be with a quality man that made me feel like the most important person in the room.

·         He respectfully didn’t rush the courtship and gave me a nice hug goodnight. I wanted more but was glad he had self control. Made him more attractive.

To quickly move to the “not interested” list my clients share things that don’t work for them on a date:

·         Complaining about an ex spouse or relationship

·         Not hearing Thank You after the gentleman treats

·         Feeling like they have to work hard at keeping the conversation going

·         Being late, as it implies your date isn’t important

My challenge to you is to use today, Valentine’s Day, to let all of the old ways you have been dating out the window! Let yourself shake it up and have some fun! Be memorable even if you feel you are over the top on the HAPPY side… trust me it works. People love to be around smiling people! It’s so much more fun to know that you make your date feel great then it is to make them feel like they just had a work out dating you!
 Get your sexy on! Men trim the nose hairs, ladies add some makeup!

Here are my challenges to you! Thin out your wish list and get real with whether of not you want to be in a relationship! I’m a matchmaker so my focus is making matches for relationships! I’m not about getting you dates and dates and dates! I want you to meet someone that can discover why you are so amazing! They can’t do this if you don’t shine above everyone else they have ever met! 

• Make a list of TEN things you really want in your future person

• Now cut each item into a strip and put it them in a cup

• Close your eyes and pick three things

• Now those are your three priorities… the rest are optional

Yes, this can be the most stressful thing ever or the most invigorating! Let the control go and claim the adventure! Too many clients are holding onto their “lists” because we know too much about what we don’t want and less about remembering what we love about being with someone, flaws and all!

We can choose to make all these lists and with every item on the list it is closing off one more person you could enjoy. When we were young we didn’t know any better and we just fell in love and figured out later if it would work or not. Now we are older and feel to be wiser but honestly for many of my clients the fear of being hurt is really what holds them back the most. 

Yes, your new partner might be shorter than you when you wear heels but wouldn’t you rather have someone to walk with in life. Yes, your new partner might have a few pounds to lose but can you imagine the fun being motivated together to get yourself in the best shape of your lives? Yes, your new partner my die before you but wouldn’t you rather have loved for now then to have never loved at all? Yes, your partner might not have lots of money but isn’t it better to have each other and be creative. You can buy lots but what fun is it if you can’t share!

What if you just loved? Your partner might not share your faith but together you can learn about one another’s beliefs. Your partner might never want to sit and watch sports with you but think of the fun you can have going out with your buddies. Your partner might not have traveled and think of the excitement your travel expertise could bring. 

Let yourself love! Singles do everything they can to safe guard against finding love all while they say they really want love. Let your list go and discover what it was like to just smile and enjoy the company of a wonderful person! Make room for someone new. Stop comparing to the “one that go away” or the “ex that broke your heart”. Let him or her come in your life to be safe and treasured because you both deserve it. Too many high quality singles are alone on Valentine’s Day because they are more in love with their list of wants and needs and less in love with the possibility of being loved! 

Save your pretty and save your handsome for someone special! And when they arrive, let them see you shine! Make the most of meeting quality singles and toss out your expectations of how he or she will look. Let him or her arrive just the way he or she was meant to! Love is waiting for so many people, now become that person with great Conversation by showing your true Charisma and soon the Chemistry will arrive! 

Jacqueline The Matchmaker

Intuitive Matchmaking LLC

www.intuitivematchmaking.com

Opportunities to find the ONE could be right in front of you! Will you miss it or capture the best person?

So the big date is here and you finally have a chance to meet face to face and discover a little bit about each other. Find out if he’s the man he seems to be, learn if she is the woman you are think could capture your heart. Every first date holds so many possibilities and if you make it to date number 2 and 3 you have to really feel like you are on to discovering someone wonderful!

The million $ question always is based on “are they worth it”! When we look to others to prove their worth as we seek to discover them on a date, we can lose sight of the value we are looking for in a balanced potential relationship. People often walk into a date to “interview” the other person as their approach to dating 101! This is the biggest mistake of any first date when you actually want to move past randomly dating!

When dating the first thing you need to decide is if you are looking for a fun time or to find someone to build a relationship with. If you want just fun, keep the conversation light and don’t worry about how much you have in common. As long as there is lots of laughter and creative topics it can be the best way to spend an evening. Keeping your perspective clear is really important for you to understand the type of outcome your dating style will attract. Fun dates often only happen once with that person but occasionally they will go out again “just for the adventure” of it but they too can sense there is no serious focus for the future. This type of dating really helps take the pressure off the results and lets you keep it simple with no expectations.

Now if you have moved past the “just for fun” dates and really want to finally go on your “last first date” then you need to approach dating with a clear perspective and objective to how you interact. First and foremost, you do not want your date to feel as if they are being “interviewed”. Your goal is to offer an inviting conversation where you discover your date enough to know if moving onto date #2 would move you closer to your own personal relationship goals.

To prepare for quality dating a little homework in advance will give you the tools you need to maximize the opportunity. As a matchmaker I often hear from singles disappointed they didn’t give their date a very good example of themselves but rarely will someone want a second date, when the first was unsuccessful. Nervous energy can be hard to overpower but when you have only one chance for a first impression it’s crucial to do all you can to make your first date the best you want it to be. If you decide you really like him/her and seek to move onto the next date you’ll be thankful you prepared ahead of time.

Here are a few steps to follow as you “master the art of dating” and move onto “mastering the art of being in a relationship”.

·         Take time to make a list of five – ten personal traits about who you are today. Look at yourself for who you are now. Not who you were five or ten years ago. What are the perks to your life now and why would someone want to enjoy these aspects of you and your life?

o    For example: Your kids are all grown and your schedule is free, your career is unique and gives you great travel opportunities, your love of physical activity and the new hiking trails you have found!

·         Make your wish list of five traits for a future partner, based on what is important that the two of your share. Keep your ideas and expectations with room to be flexible. Allow yourself to be open to all the unique traits someone has to offer because it’s important to remember that they have been building their own life well before meeting you. Ask yourself what is non-negotiable so you can be clear in what is most important to you as you make yourself emotionally available for someone new.

o    For example: Your religious beliefs, your desire to have children or date someone without children, your health and physical activity needs, your long term goals etc…

·         Now that you know what you have to offer and what is important they contribute to the relationship, you can now work on production conversational questions for your date. The goal is to make the time that you are asking questions to feel inviting and not an interrogation. Designing open ended questions is where you will be far more productive then when you ask ‘yes’ or ‘no’ options. Some people aren’t the best at conversations with someone new so the more you prepare the faster they will feel comfortable and not all the pressure to keep the dialogue going. Think of five questions to get things warmed up! Once the ball is rolling you’ll quickly discover if they are enjoyable to share time with and if you are curious to learn more by going on future dates, or if this is someone worth just one date.

o     For example: “If money and time were no object what would you enjoy doing?” Based on their answer you will learn how create and adventurous they can be!

If saving money is important to you, ask a question such as: “With this crazy economy what have you found to be the most fun you can have without spending very much money?” You’ll learn a little about their views of money and if they are into finding a great deal.

Be prepared with some answers you might share to your own questions because often dates will flip back to you and ask you to share too. Make it fun to get a creative dialogue going but the conversation will get derailed if you haven’t thought of your own possible answers to also share. Healthy and productive conversations are a lot like bouncing the ball. You can’t just play with yourself, unless you want to run from one end of the court and back over and over! It’s about “bouncing” a thought or idea and letting them share with something new. Now you have an added layer from their comments and you can bounce back with something more.

Have fun discovering your date and being sure your date knows enough about you to also make a clear choice if you should go out again! Keep it light and fun, while enjoying learning about someone new. Who knows what you might find out if you really treasure the time you two have together. Be present on your date and learn from one another. It’s your moment to give yourself and someone new a chance at love! 

Jacqueline Nichols

Professional Matchmaker

www.intuitivematchmaking.com

To know and want REAL Love!

This last week of working with singles has been a powerful reflection on what being “in love” really does for the soul. Talking with a great number of clients I heard the desire “for love” for based on if they had known love before or just the idea of love. The difference between wanting love if you’ve never known love and seeking love again because you remember the pure feeling it brings your spirit generates a uniquely different perspective.

Regardless of the number of relationships you have had that is not any measure if you have been in true love before. I meet with singles that have experience all types of backgrounds in dating and relationships as they continue their greatest quest is to find their true love. Some clients have had multiple marriages to never know love, while others have never married but have given their heart away to someone very special.

As a matchmaker I believe there is more than one person out there to fall in love with and adore the rest of your life. Even if you have never known deep love you deserve to find that special someone. During in-depth consultations many of my clients come to the realization that the longing they have deep inside seems to be the elusive mystery that others can see but they have yet to fully discover themselves. Knowing what love adds to a relationship will help you to understand if you’ve ever been in love and if you are open to loving another.

An important part that I find different between those seeking love and those seeking to have a relationship complete them is in how they talk about their future partner. Those truly wanting their “last first date” are looking for a companionship through all that life has to offer. They want to look forward to getting up and enjoying the day together. Having someone to make important life decisions with and share in the good, the bad and the frustrating parts of being ourselves and a couple. Seeking a partner to feel you have their back and they have yours is something I hear more and more. In this great big world people want to know there is one person that they can count on with their weakest moments and their greatest rewards.

Often people get caught up in the physical part of the journey well before they give the emotional part a chance to bloom.

Oprah recently was quoted in a recent interview saying she didn’t know she was in love with Steadman until a family member sold her out to the press and Steadman told her she didn’t deserve it and he’d be there for her through the delicate heart breaking moments. That is when she knew she loved him deeply.

When my clients tell me of relationships they envy it has nothing to do with how attractive or successful their friend’s partner is. It has to do with the mutual love and respect they have toward one another in public. Being around these types of couples only shows you that you they must have a beautiful respectful private relationship because clearly they have nothing to prove when they have each other.

• What do you see in other couples you admire?
• Is it how they hold hands in public?
• Do they tell each other they love one another when others are around?
• Do they have different hobbies? Or do everything together?
• Do they seem happier together?
• Is there an obvious sense of trust?
• When they are apart do they talk about their partner in a way that shows respect and appreciation?
• Has one sacrificed a dream or goal for the other’s need for something that had to take priority?
• When you see strangers and wish you could be in love like them, what caught your attention to notice their joy?

Take time to really think about the love you see in people you admire. I’m betting it’s not just because they look good in pictures together. They grew in love over life and experiences. Let yourself know the kind of love that makes your vulnerable to trust another person. Learn from someone new. They might tell you about new hobbies and activities that enrich your life and just maybe become the surprise of being together as a couple as they build memories. Let the opportunity to discover one another long enough to feel safe and ready to love and give love. You might just surprise yourself and find one day friends will tell you how much they admire your relationship. 

Jacqueline ~ The Matchmaker 

www.intuitivematchmaking.com

The dance of vulnerability!

Opening one’s heart to the idea of finding love often creates a swirl of emotions to be involved that might overwhelm and often put us on the sidelines. Take the time to think before you walk out on the “dance floor” of dating. This is the moment to gain clarity on what you want in a relationship and what you have to offer, before you step on the floor only to be nervous and you retreat back to your seat.

As a professional matchmaker, I see so often how my clients will get really excited for a first date and then the moment there might not be a match or they decide to find a conflict, I notice my client retreating back to the safety of their home. Many times my job is to hold on to them so they don’t slip away in their world of doubt and wonder. It is a very vulnerable place to put yourself out to be exposed. It’s another thing when you put your individual self out to be viewed and possibly judged by another person.

Worrying that you might like her and she doesn’t feel the mutual attraction or interest toward you can make you end a date too early. Asking yourself the question if he wants to see you again can make you pull back from showing your own interest because you don’t want to be the first person rejected. Often I’ll hear from clients about a recent date and they leave wondering if they will see their date again. While they wait a million emotions run through their mind. It’s a scary place to put our greatest assets out for review by strangers. As individuals we are the greatest gift we can give another person. Nothing material will ever be better than the true heart of another loving life partnership.

While going through the dance of vulnerability ask yourself these questions to keep you focused or to find out if you need more time before you are ready to date:

• ·         Are you confident in yourself? Not arrogant but carry yourself with pride.

• ·         Do you know you have flaws? Knowing you aren’t perfect gives another person a chance with room for their flaws too.

• ·         When you think of your future relationship, do you think of their looks or their heart? Are you caught up in an image of a person or how a relationship is going to make you feel?

• ·         Have you developed a support team? Do you have friends that will take care of your kids for your time to date? Do you have some flex work and social schedule to make time to meet someone new?

• ·         Are you taking care of your health? The dating world is competitive and when given a choice physically active singles tend to be drawn to other singles that put their health at a priority. People often don’t want to sign up for an unhealthy relationship even on the physical level because when they fall in love they want you to stick around. Show yourself that you are worth the effort and take care of your health. It’s very attractive too!

• ·         Do you have enough positive examples around you? Keep a box of positive notes, cards and e-mails so when you doubt yourself, you can be reminded that you are a great catch and keep focused! Just know the right person hasn’t met you yet.

• ·         Are you open for suggestions? Learn ways to be an enhanced version of yourself. Ask friends for wardrobe and conversation ideas and take their advice! They can see you at the perspective of someone new.

• ·         Can you be patient? The right person isn’t going to be in a hurry. They too have to process their new emotions and you might need to keep the door open without expecting anything in return, for a little bit.

The journey to find love will come faster when you don’t give up and sit on the sidelines of your own life. Get your “dancing” shoes on and have fun. The more you laugh, smile and feel optimistic the more attracted others will be to you! Hold your shoulders back, put your head up, and make eye contact with a smile! Have fun and flirt throughout your day. You just might find someone that catches your attention and asks you for the “next dance”!

Be ready to say YES!

Jacqueline Nichols

Professional Matchmaker

Intuitive Matchmaking Agency